I recently got my first (ever) payment for my music (a label wanted to use a “Soft” remix in a compilation album) … and it feels strange.
Fulfilling but strange.
My parents are pretty liberal but (like a lot of other parents, I think) believe and have more faith in traditional, structured career paths/professions … which my older brother passingly summarized, “If someone's passion isn't making them money, it's just a hobby”.
So, mixed in with the joy of this progress, are also these quiet, hidden anxieties of “How valid is all of this though? Is this a “real job” if the income isn't constant? Can it even be called an income? Am I good/dedicated/smart/patient/resilient enough to make this my career?”, that I guess I've subconsciously absorbed throughout my life – the idea that the only way to be a “respectable”, self-assured, independent adult is through ways that have been tried-and-tested, ways that are easily explained and understood, ways that are consistent.
Money is important, that's obvious. Financial security from my music is (part of) the goal. It gets complicated trying to reconcile (to others) the belief that your art/dreams/ambitions/plans are valuable and valid without making a regular/any income from it. Shout out to capitalism one time.
But, truss mi, I'm incredibly honored and happy and humbled that God let me experience this.
I'm still growing (up) and figuring this/myself out.
Thank you for listening to my music. Thank you for meeting me here, at this point in my life.